Right guess, the title of this post is inspired from the movie 'sleeping with the enemy' which I have recently ticked off on my must watch movies list. The movie somehow managed to touch a hidden emotional scar which I honestly did not think existed in me anymore. Many women (including me from a long time ago) and some men I know too have had their share of rotten relationships. Some just slave through it, others take a long time to decide to get out of it and then spend a longer time healing from the pain and humiliation and the very few smart ones step away at the very first sign of trouble.
I wonder what is it that makes a man or woman turn a blind eye and deaf ear to their partners' atrocities. At times the most amazing people are in a relationship or marriage with evil itself. Why do women keep going back to their abusive husbands? What makes girlfriends forgive their ever cheating or over criticizing boyfriends? What makes men want the bitches?
Being with an insensitive, cheating, overly nagging and abusive partner makes one sick to the back tooth, but the victim (I would like to stress on the word victim here) in such a relationship keeps organizing those surprise birthday parties, finding unique gifts for the 'bitter' half, crying for an ounce of change, pleading for some attention and fights with the rest of the world that the Hyde they are with is the perfect match for them. Why didn't or can't we STOP?
In a marriage 'it is for the children' is a bullshit excuse since children who grow in an environment where the father or mother is the other's slave is not half as healthy as having to cope with a divorce. In some cases mothers don't raise an alarm if the partner (father/step-father) sexually abuses the child. This is not blind love, it is blind stupidity.
Recently my mother was speaking about a woman from church whose husband forcefully and painfully bound her every time he did it, she was terrified of him. Besides this when this woman ended up having a slipped disk and needed bed rest for six months he just left the country 'for business' and returned home after these months for some more 'bondage fun' at home. Does this man deserve to come back home to a wife and family? I doubt it! There are many girls who know that their fiancé or boyfriend is sleeping with other women but they keep accepting them back with open arms. At times a partner gets overly critical about every single thing that you do. It could be your weight, your dressing sense, your family, job, or anything that has anything to do with an atom of your being! Was this partner shopping in a slave market from where he or she picked a human door mat for a bargain?
Educated people living in the 21st century refusing to come to terms with reality and help themselves is a pity. More than being scared of humiliation and the retarded belief that a shit-brained partner is the center of your life, it is the inability to forgive yourself for loving and being with a horrible human, who lacks any morals, that makes you keep rolling in the dung pit that you have fallen into. It is a lost battle the moment you have given up all self-respect for someone who needs a slave and treats you like garbage. It is not the cheating alone, the victims go through physical abuse, face defamatory remarks in public, and at times you end up being nothing more than a portable ATM.
Wives, girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends need to make a small effort and pick the signals the moment you start downloading/buying those 'how to get him/her back forever' articles and books. Spending hours trying to find out 'how to be pleasing to my partner' or 'how to keep him/her faithful' should be ringing fire alarms in your head. I am not suggesting that one does not need to compromise and make adjustments in a relationship.
When in love, getting to know each other and adapting to each other's like and dislikes is an ongoing process where one fine day you just realize that you have been with each other and committed for 25 or 30 years. Relationships that thrive on fear, humiliation, zero dignity and physical brutality is no different from slavery. In present times you alone are to blame if you live the life of a slave behind the façade of a relationship. Think twice if you wake up every single day wishing you had not met your partner and the pillow is still wet from crying all night long. Just look for it and you will find the courage to be on the next bus out of that pitiful stop. The fears and scars may not go away that easy, but at least your biggest enemy will be out of your life!
Good one Ancy kutta!
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