Sticking with the ENEMY

Right guess, the title of this post is inspired from the movie 'sleeping with the enemy' which I have recently ticked off on my must watch movies list. The movie somehow managed to touch a hidden emotional scar which I honestly did not think existed in me anymore. Many women (including me from a long time ago) and some men I know too have had their share of rotten relationships. Some just slave through it, others take a long time to decide to get out of it and then spend a longer time healing from the pain and humiliation and the very few smart ones step away at the very first sign of trouble.

 

I wonder what is it that makes a man or woman turn a blind eye and deaf ear to their partners' atrocities. At times the most amazing people are in a relationship or marriage with evil itself. Why do women keep going back to their abusive husbands? What makes girlfriends forgive their ever cheating or over criticizing boyfriends? What makes men want the bitches?

Being with an insensitive, cheating, overly nagging and abusive partner makes one sick to the back tooth, but the victim (I would like to stress on the word victim here) in such a relationship keeps organizing those surprise birthday parties, finding unique gifts for the 'bitter' half, crying for an ounce of change, pleading for some attention and fights with the rest of the world that the Hyde they are with is the perfect match for them. Why didn't or can't we STOP?

 

In a marriage 'it is for the children' is a bullshit excuse since children who grow in an environment where the father or mother is the other's slave is not half as healthy as having to cope with a divorce. In some cases mothers don't raise an alarm if the partner (father/step-father) sexually abuses the child. This is not blind love, it is blind stupidity.

 

Recently my mother was speaking about a woman from church whose husband forcefully and painfully bound her every time he did it, she was terrified of him. Besides this when this woman ended up having a slipped disk and needed bed rest for six months he just left the country 'for business' and returned home after these months for some more 'bondage fun' at home. Does this man deserve to come back home to a wife and family? I doubt it! There are many girls who know that their fiancé or boyfriend is sleeping with other women but they keep accepting them back with open arms. At times a partner gets overly critical about every single thing that you do. It could be your weight, your dressing sense, your family, job, or anything that has anything to do with an atom of your being! Was this partner shopping in a slave market from where he or she picked a human door mat for a bargain?

Educated people living in the 21st century refusing to come to terms with reality and help themselves is a pity. More than being scared of humiliation and the retarded belief that a shit-brained partner is the center of your life, it is the inability to forgive yourself for loving and being with a horrible human, who lacks any morals, that makes you keep rolling in the dung pit that you have fallen into. It is a lost battle the moment you have given up all self-respect for someone who needs a slave and treats you like garbage. It is not the cheating alone, the victims go through physical abuse, face defamatory remarks in public, and at times you end up being nothing more than a portable ATM.

Wives, girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends need to make a small effort and pick the signals the moment you start downloading/buying those 'how to get him/her back forever' articles and books. Spending hours trying to find out 'how to be pleasing to my partner' or 'how to keep him/her faithful' should be ringing fire alarms in your head. I am not suggesting that one does not need to compromise and make adjustments in a relationship.

 

When in love, getting to know each other and adapting to each other's like and dislikes is an ongoing process where one fine day you just realize that you have been with each other and committed for 25 or 30 years. Relationships that thrive on fear, humiliation, zero dignity and physical brutality is no different from slavery. In present times you alone are to blame if you live the life of a slave behind the façade of a relationship. Think twice if you wake up every single day wishing you had not met your partner and the pillow is still wet from crying all night long. Just look for it and you will find the courage to be on the next bus out of that pitiful stop. The fears and scars may not go away that easy, but at least your biggest enemy will be out of your life!

Silence of the soul

The most horrible experience for any child has to be sexual abuse and violence. The abuser could be someone at home or a stranger, but the hollow feeling that the ordeal creates in the child’s mind and soul is unbearable and unforgivable.

Child abuse has been on top of the discussion charts recently, but how far is the society willing to go to ensure each child’s right to innocence and sexual non-violence is questionable.

I am sure that if someone broke into your house and robbed you of your belongings there will be no stone unturned to capture the culprits and hopefully retrieve your precious jewels, money, electronics, etc. Agreed that one cannot retrieve what a child abuse victim has lost but, how is the child any lesser than gold, money or electronics?

I can bet my last penny on the fact that if you identify a family member who has the habit of stealing he/she will not be entertained for family gatherings or even if they are, the individual will be closely monitored by other relatives. How then is it defaming to not allow a family member identified as a child abuser from entering the house or being close to a child or children? Again, is the child any less than all the other tangible goods under the roof?

A child who has been violated is not an embarrassment. It is a serious concern and no responsible adult should tolerate such acts no matter who the perpetrator might be. It is defaming when the family refuses to step up and fight for the child.

If the abuser is a relative, the family causes more emotional damage to the child by entertaining that person at home and forcing the child to be well-behaved to the perpetrator whom he or she could be terrified of. Slightly older children might just be confused and can be led to think that they are in love with the abuser, which is their way of shutting away from horrifying reality.

Parents need to open up to their children and help them feel comfortable discussing issues that trouble them. If you are busy putting away money to buy the latest LED TV it will also be helpful to invest a little time in your child just to be sure that he/she is okay and just growing up fine. There is nothing worse than loosing a child to sick-headed individuals and their disgusting fantasies.

Stories of child raped by caretaker, helper, uncle, step-parent, cousin, etc. have troubled our minds for a long time. Irking stories of child abuse have been communicated in the media time and again. The point is, don’t let a child suffer and loose their soul because you are scared of what people MAY think or speak. Don’t let a child’s perpetrator get away.

If you feel that you fancy children in the wrong manner seek help. No child today is responsible for what must have happened to you in the past. If someone couldn't help you in the past, focus your energy to protect a child today. Please don’t burn a child’s soul by violating their body!

The mainstream challenge

I think it is not a bad idea to feed my thoughts, to the cipher readers who follow my blog, on the way specially abled people (including myself) are treated by mainstream.

Okay, so I walk differently and doctors say it is partial cerebral palsy. Mummy takes it a lot more seriously than she should and Dad is emotionally sensitive about this topic. Natural for any parents to be this way. There are individuals with greater challenges than myself and every time I see them I realise the energy that remains unused for the betterment of people like myself or those who scale the tougher heights of challenges.

Long long ago, when I was in school, I had those inquisitive kids who wanted to know why I walked the way I do. Some just got to be friends and accepted me the way I was. No doubts Mummy thought I had to consistently top the class (preferably school) to offset the physical 'drawback'. But what I really would have loved to do back then was to be in the basket ball team. That is right. Just because one is physically different it does not mean that you cannot enjoy or have a passion for sports, dance or any other physical activity. The doctors said I needed a lot of physical activity but except for Mum who was bent on having me trained in Bharatnatyam (true trait of the Keralite mother) I don't think I was seen as a sports prospect. No denying the fact that I can't jog or run, squat, walk for long or jump, let alone do frog jumps. But hey, except for a few kind words from the Physical Education teachers and opportunities to let me try for the sake of it I was gradually conditioned to believe that I can't do it. My question today is WHY NOT?

Why is it so difficult to mold somebody who has the aspiration or the will to do it? Why are students with challenges so often ignored or left out from the talent competitions and sports days? Why do many educators hesitate to take up the challenge of conditioning a specially abled student to be a mainstream achiever?

 

My Bhratnatyam master used to train me to be able to perform on stage and at present I have a Kathak guru who responded 'why not' when I asked her if I can learn Kathak. My Karate instructor used to push me to do push ups when others did frog jumps. I had to punch harder and faster when others practiced the kicks. I never will or can forget these few people who have nurtured in me the confidence that I have today.

I clearly remember not being able to pick up dance steps very quickly during school days and I asked our dance teacher if she could go slower or take a few extra classes in order for me to pick up. She gave me some fancy explanation about me having to concentrate harder in class. No brownie points for knowing that the teacher's favorite dancing queens got all the special attention to correct their posture, style and grace. Sorry, I was not really the prom queen material in school either.

It starts in the schools and many times the educators can make all the difference. Parents of challenged children are constantly emotional about their child's condition and it takes a lot for them to be strong about it and accept it as a part of their lives. Besides this they also need to strengthen the child to grow with their condition and face life as normally as possible. At times the individual needs to find the strength within themselves to overcome their challenged capabilities and lend emotional support to their family members. This process will be a lot simpler if the school or learning center encouraged the challenged student to think and perform normally.

A condition might not require the student to be in a special needs school and there is so much going on about awareness and mainstream acceptance of the specially abled. This is not going to be a reality till the adults who take on the roles as teachers accept these student and make them feel that they are normal. Normal students need to be trained or taught to accept challenged peers. We don't have tails and horns. We are human too!

Don't really need to be in one of the developed countries with advanced regulations to make life normal for the physically or mentally challenged. A bit of commonsense and inducing some thoughts to your action can do the trick. Agreed that communicating and working with those who are mentally or physically different can be confusing or challenging but it is not impossible.

The next time you come across a challenged student or peer think twice before saying they can't do something. At times the will is so strong that the differently abled achiever can leave the mainstream stars way behind.

This is it

So here I am finally taking a break form the corporate world, waking up late, scanning overseas universities (that my folks are never going to let me go to), available for long chats with friends, randomly screening job sites, reading again and have finally set up my blogger account. Big pat on Ancy's back! This has been a work in progress for almost 18 months now. That is right, 18 months before I set up this blogger account and start typing my random thoughts. It was almost an embarrassment to say that I do not blog in spite of being a PR and marketing professional.  I felt some people almost thought I was faking all my experience.

Anyways, now that I have entered the bloggers world, what is next? Do I just sit around and wait for the next big brain wave, type it out and get mass followers (accompanied by lots of appreciation for the intellectual trickle) or will there be some sort of an orientation day followed by snacks?

Till I figure out if there actually is an induction program for this latest feather on my 'core-skills' list guess I shall look around for some encouragement and direction in all the blogger support articles that are available online. 

All the best to all baby bloggers (including myself)!