Get rich in no time - I don't want to!

Disclaimer:  I am not allergic to MONEY and I truly love my friends and relatives who are magic at making the extra buck.

Allow me to start by mentioning that my father runs a business and I complain endlessly that he lacks shrewdness and sharpness to get money from his customers. Guess what? Looks like I don’t have ‘get-the-buck’ gene either!

I appreciate the rising ‘selling ice to an Eskimo’ breed of marketers/sales people/opportunity evangelists. These mostly are colleagues, associates, relatives or friends. Everyone has at least one in the family or friend list.

I don’t mind hearing about ‘Richard Branson’ size opportunities, but hey, I am one of those who enjoy sitting back and reading a book, write a blog or do some social work while those that are good at making the money makes it and maybe even spend a bit of that extra income on me. I have been to a few of these presentations to oblige the loving intention of friends that I get some extra income too. At other times I have been cornered at the presentation venue by relatives under the pretext that I am accompanying for a family errand. Beeeppp…you are definitely not seeing the good side of Ancy in the latter scenario.

In all honesty I get put off the moment I am behind doors, facing a boring projector screen and one of those wannabe presentation experts! A recent presentation that I attended had such a horrifying presenter; I would certainly fire her if she was in my team. Not denying that some people has the charm and charisma to hook you on the moment they say ‘welcome’. I love listening to these guys but, in such cases I am making mental notes for an upcoming business pitch to a client.

Don’t have a bank account to be proud of. My father paid my first term university fees and probably will bear the expense for term two too. But hey I don’t want to get rich now. I am a late bloomer and might appreciate the entire network/multi level/20 branches on my right and left kind of system at some later point. Right now I am suffering from an overdose. Friends and relatives turned ‘get rich quick or you are left behind in the race’ sales advisors should really take a step back and appreciate that people like me just like other things in life. I wouldn’t take it personally if my known list did not join my book club or read my blog regularly. Some make money and some like me spend the father’s money in spite of having a job! Big deal! The world would be a boring place to be in if everyone was a Bill Gates or Mittal.

It is great to come across opportunities that work like abracadabra money in my bank account. What is bugging is when you are viewed as a business opportunity rather than a friend or relative. I am not willing to turn everyone I meet into a money bag. I would have invested in this game just for the sake of friends/family who believes in this. After a recent kin-inflicted ‘get rich’ experience I guarantee that I will throw my money in the sea but not invest in one of these hyped ventures!

So while the majority of the population makes it big in the city I am going to just sit back, be ignorant and watch everyone else reach the Forbes list of billionaires. Meanwhile loved ones who may be fuming about this post please refer to my disclaimer above.

Flame by Pali Chandra

Flame, Pali Chandra, Kathak dancer, India, Video
the most relaxing and inspirational dance meditation ever. Can't help feeling a deep sense of spirituality every time I watch this video.

Hijacked

Midday I am supposed to be working and not blogging. I’ll just consider this my fifth break in the last two hours since I have no sane and reasonable explanation for what is going on in my head today. I have been on top of the world at one moment and plummeting into self-pity the next second.

Bugged with the emotional hijack situation going on in my head I have been reading about what is putting my mood on the roller coaster. Right now is when I need all my girlfriends for a detailed discussion about mood swings.

‘I have no control over the craziest thoughts in my head’ mode is not limited to me. Glad to know that I share this visiting mood imbalance with perhaps 3/4^th of women on this planet. Tried deep breathing, green tea, stretching, talking to myself and now am writing to hopefully let some of the madness out.

No kidding, I just welled up simply because I dropped my pen twice in a row and then started giggling in less than a second. I have been snappy and sucking out the patience of the lovely people who care to be around me all the time. I don’t want to say a thing and expect people to just UNDERSTAND what is going on in my head.  I am ready to shed the Nile from my eyes at the drop of a pin!! After all, how difficult can it be to understand that Ancy is unhappy about wearing green to office today and needs a hug?

Since morning I have (VERY SERIOUSLY) considered adoption, dropping ten kgs in one month, running away (for a holiday), becoming a nun, throwing my car in the sea, and getting a nose job. Totally bizarre and I honestly never knew that I had a problem with my nose!

Bottom line is that this is a sort of bail plea. My thoughts and feelings do not seem unreasonable at that point when it just oozes out and I will get back to being the normal Ancy SOON. Just don’t disown me if I start wailing like a two year old in the middle of a random conversation or say something totally weird and un-Ancy. My emotional stability is on a super short break since I just don’t seem to be able to take one!

Returning soon with love licks and giggles...

Tasmai Sri Gurave Namah

After days and months of practice and confidence-building I was finally dressed up and a few hours away from my maiden Kathak performance. As an ‘aspiring’ Kathak dancer with partial mobility impairment my first stage could not have been bigger than Dubai’s first ever Kathak festival. The chief guests could not have been more important than the living legend of the art form, Pandit Birju Maharaj and his celebrated disciple Saswati Sen.

In spite of the number of times that I have been on stage as a dancer and MC, I break into a sweat in the dressing room! Am I ready for a Kathak performance? Will I let my guru down? Do I look good enough for stage? EVERYONE is going to see me walk to my spot on the stage, what are they going to think?

The only thing I can do is to try and focus on Pali Ji saying ‘Yes, you can do it beta’, every time I have asked her “Are you sure Pali ji?” or “Am I ready Pali ji?” She says ‘you will not learn until you make a mistake. So go and make those mistakes. Accept the praises or criticism humbly from your audience and work towards being a better dancer’.

The time arrived, performance was done, mistakes were made, tears were spilled, appreciation and blessings received.

Amidst positive and negative criticism about Gurukulites, like me, who were conditioned by Pali ji to be up on stage in spite of our various physical and emotional challenges, all this teacher has to say is how wonderful her children are.

This post is a humble token of appreciation for an inspirational teacher who connects with each and every student in her class no matter what the numbers are and regardless of our capabilities.

For this priceless opportunity I have nothing but words to thank you Pali ji. Thank you for the hours you have spent correcting my posture, expressions and movements. Thank you for giving me the confidence to perform in front of your guru. Thank you for never seeing my limitations. Thank you for loving me the way I am. Thank you for your reassuring smile even when I made my mistakes. Thank you, Somna for your tireless efforts, which is the pulse of Gurukul!

Here is what a few other Gurukulites (students and parents) have to say:

Pali Chandra- Our Inspiration, Philosopher and Guide.

At times words fail to convey how we feel. Not only a guru, she’s also a force which guides and inspires us to be a good human being. She knows our strengths and flaws even through our silence. She is an aura of positivism, beauty, grace, warmth and love.

Kathak festival- It was indeed a privilege to learn from the legend himself Pt. Birju Maharaj and his disciple Saswati Sen here in Dubai! To be able to perform in front of our Guru's Guru and watching their live performance was a learning experience in itself. What more can a dancer ask for! It was an enriching experience to be cherished for a lifetime.

Thank you Pali ma'am and Somna for giving us this opportunity and the wonderful team of Gurukul, everyone involved with it, on-stage and off-stage who made the event more beautiful with their love and support. Thank you, Gurukulites for brightening everyone’s life.

-Anissha Ghaghada

The Kathak Festival was one of the most amazing weekends of my life!

Meeting, interacting with and performing before the very Icon of Kathak, Pt. Birju Maharaj and his foremost disciple Saswati Sen - was truly a priceless experience! Just being there, made all the difference.

Thanks to Gurukul for providing this platform and hats off to Pali Chandra, the incredible woman behind it all.

-Vineetha Mohan

Joining Gurukul and meeting Pali ji was a life changing decision for me. I have loved Kathak ever since I can remember. I always felt that I had a past life connection with this art form, but somehow I never got down to learning it until last year while surfing the net I came across Gurukul.

Pali ji is an amazing dancer, but more amazing is her capability of 'connecting' with each and every student at an individual level. Somehow she manages to touch a chord in each of our hearts. She rekindled fire in me that was almost burning out. I have always tried to be a happy person, but coming to Gurukul has completed and fulfilled me. 

Pali ji has every quality that a dancer, a woman and a good human being should aspire to have. She is my guide, my guru, my aspiration!

-Somya Sharma

Pali ji has been an inspiration to me ever since we met; we have become great friends since then. Words cannot express the feelings and bond we have with each other as tears are sure to pour when actually spoken or written. She is a true Guru for all her students and a true friend for a friend. Love you a lot my dear friend and will always.

-Dishna Mirchandani

I am sure most of the students and their families nurture a similar feeling of love and respect for Pali Chandra, Somna and Gurukul. Like I said before words and actions are not enough to express the gratitude or love that we have for this sister duo and Gurukul.

The Moroccan bath

After a lot of contemplating, deal hunting and preparation Sang and I finally booked ourselves in for the Moroccan bath. Both the super excited Moroccan bath virgins have managed to do some reading about the ‘deep cleansing using Moroccan black cleansing soap, which quickly penetrates the skin breaking up any dead skin cells that accumulate on the body over time. The room then fills up with steam and is relaxed for about twenty minutes to let the skin soften for exfoliating’. It is all nice and sophisticated right up to here.

What I realized on the ‘R’ (relax and rejuvenate) day at the spa is that there is no guide for beauty tots like me to prepare sufficiently for the maiden experience. Now why does one need to prepare for some massage, steam and exfoliation?

To start with, if you have NEVER, EVER booked yourself in for Moroccan pampering it comes as a bit of a surprise that the lady clad in a bath towel is your therapist and not the previous client. Why on earth does this chick not wear some kind of a uniform like in the other spas, rather the first and only spa I went to before this place? Secondly, there is a locker with some clothes in it. Thank god for modesty’s sake. Hang on a second, I have this flimsy plastic coin like thing in my hand and I do not know what to do. Now this confusion is not very fun since I have forgotten my glasses in the car and I am trying to do things without highlighting my bat-sight. The only consolations are my powered shades and Sang guiding me from the adjacent dressing room.

I get the bathrobe part, but I am sure that there are other garments that need to be a part of this bundle. Instruction to me from the outside, the small plastic coin like thing is to be unfolded and worn. WORN!!? This is a delicate item and not really something that fits my definition of covering anything.

Flimsy thing check, bathrobe check, powered shades check, therapist in towel check, I am escorted to the steam room. So you expect a nice room to walk into with your bathrobe on, waiting for that massage….what the hell….?! Why are you removing my bathrobe lady? ‘You go inside no bathrobe Madame’ says my therapist. Oh okay then. But, honestly she could have waited until I got inside the room.

Marble slab kind of thing in the steam room makes me feel like I am going to be embalmed. Anyway, before I know the therapist is applying the famous Moroccan soap. Now this soap is not like a bar of soap, it is clayey and gooey. I get this FULL BODY rub with this so-called magical substance and I am trying hard to cover up (again for modesty’s sake) using my hands and standing cross legged as she proceeds with the rubbing process like my mum probably did when I was six months old. ‘First time Madame?’ coos my therapist and she knows that she has a first timer at hand.

Well the rubbing is over and I am asked to lie down on the marble slab. ‘Face up or face down?’ I asked her. ‘Anything that comfortable for you’, replies the therapist and then comes the crucial part ‘Now I put on steam, but you no touch your eye’. I can do that, as in not touch my eye. The steam is turned on and the therapist leaves. I must admit that I have never before wanted to so badly get out of a steam room. Droplets were forming on the ceiling and dripping onto my face. Guessing it is normal to have steam turned droplets fall onto your face and around it while trying to RELAX? Plop...that is a drop in my eye and can’t blame me for wiping it away with the back of my hand. It is burning, why is my eye burning? Damn, the therapist had warned DON’T touch your eye and I just did.

Damage control, I need to wipe my eye. ‘Excuse me’…’EXCUSE MEEEE’ no response. I am going to have to do this myself, so I gingerly slide down the godforsaken slippery marble slab, try to find my bathrobe hung somewhere close by. In a room filled with steam and with gooey stuff on you that makes you slip, this simple task can seem to be a monstrous ordeal. Anyway I manage to find the handle of the door, open in a tad bit to let some steam out and get hold of the robe. Eye rubbed, extra carefully I climb back on to the slippery slab and this time I lie down face down.

One…twooo…three…ten and ‘Madame you no like steam’? That sounded more like an accusation than a question from the therapist. ‘No, no I love the steam, just a little too hot’ I respond. ‘I make it less for you’. Finally, a steam room with temperature set to comfortable. The therapist finally returns for the scrubbing part and starts with ‘if it is not hot it is not Moroccan bath’. My mind says if it is that hot, then I can be boiled chicken for your dinner and note to self, next time tell the therapists to adjust temperature before scooting away.

The scrubbing process begins and all the ‘tut..tut..tut’ from the fine lady forces me to inform her that I have at least two showers each day. ‘Does not matter’, replied therapist. ‘See this…too too much. You should come once a month compulsory and you have more smooth skin. Make your man feel special’. Ahhaaa…right of course, the point to be noted here is making the man feel special by me going through intense scrubbing at the hands of a woman, twice my size, set on a mission to rip off the first two layers of my skin.

The exfoliating is over and followed with some more washing which happens with less complaints from the therapists and more friendly chat. By now I am dying to get out and that is what finally the therapist said I could do. I was helped into my bathrobe and escorted to the relaxing lounge. Sang is already waiting and I add further entertainment to her afternoon my wearing my powered shades in a dimly lit room making me look like exactly what I was without the shades on, BLIND. Can’t complain about the complimentary ginger tea that we got while we were recovering from the pampering we just went through. Overall experience was educational!


Anyone reading this and scheduled for your first time Moroccan bath… I am guessing you are now better prepared than I was to enjoy the whole experience.

Sticking with the ENEMY

Right guess, the title of this post is inspired from the movie 'sleeping with the enemy' which I have recently ticked off on my must watch movies list. The movie somehow managed to touch a hidden emotional scar which I honestly did not think existed in me anymore. Many women (including me from a long time ago) and some men I know too have had their share of rotten relationships. Some just slave through it, others take a long time to decide to get out of it and then spend a longer time healing from the pain and humiliation and the very few smart ones step away at the very first sign of trouble.

 

I wonder what is it that makes a man or woman turn a blind eye and deaf ear to their partners' atrocities. At times the most amazing people are in a relationship or marriage with evil itself. Why do women keep going back to their abusive husbands? What makes girlfriends forgive their ever cheating or over criticizing boyfriends? What makes men want the bitches?

Being with an insensitive, cheating, overly nagging and abusive partner makes one sick to the back tooth, but the victim (I would like to stress on the word victim here) in such a relationship keeps organizing those surprise birthday parties, finding unique gifts for the 'bitter' half, crying for an ounce of change, pleading for some attention and fights with the rest of the world that the Hyde they are with is the perfect match for them. Why didn't or can't we STOP?

 

In a marriage 'it is for the children' is a bullshit excuse since children who grow in an environment where the father or mother is the other's slave is not half as healthy as having to cope with a divorce. In some cases mothers don't raise an alarm if the partner (father/step-father) sexually abuses the child. This is not blind love, it is blind stupidity.

 

Recently my mother was speaking about a woman from church whose husband forcefully and painfully bound her every time he did it, she was terrified of him. Besides this when this woman ended up having a slipped disk and needed bed rest for six months he just left the country 'for business' and returned home after these months for some more 'bondage fun' at home. Does this man deserve to come back home to a wife and family? I doubt it! There are many girls who know that their fiancé or boyfriend is sleeping with other women but they keep accepting them back with open arms. At times a partner gets overly critical about every single thing that you do. It could be your weight, your dressing sense, your family, job, or anything that has anything to do with an atom of your being! Was this partner shopping in a slave market from where he or she picked a human door mat for a bargain?

Educated people living in the 21st century refusing to come to terms with reality and help themselves is a pity. More than being scared of humiliation and the retarded belief that a shit-brained partner is the center of your life, it is the inability to forgive yourself for loving and being with a horrible human, who lacks any morals, that makes you keep rolling in the dung pit that you have fallen into. It is a lost battle the moment you have given up all self-respect for someone who needs a slave and treats you like garbage. It is not the cheating alone, the victims go through physical abuse, face defamatory remarks in public, and at times you end up being nothing more than a portable ATM.

Wives, girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends need to make a small effort and pick the signals the moment you start downloading/buying those 'how to get him/her back forever' articles and books. Spending hours trying to find out 'how to be pleasing to my partner' or 'how to keep him/her faithful' should be ringing fire alarms in your head. I am not suggesting that one does not need to compromise and make adjustments in a relationship.

 

When in love, getting to know each other and adapting to each other's like and dislikes is an ongoing process where one fine day you just realize that you have been with each other and committed for 25 or 30 years. Relationships that thrive on fear, humiliation, zero dignity and physical brutality is no different from slavery. In present times you alone are to blame if you live the life of a slave behind the façade of a relationship. Think twice if you wake up every single day wishing you had not met your partner and the pillow is still wet from crying all night long. Just look for it and you will find the courage to be on the next bus out of that pitiful stop. The fears and scars may not go away that easy, but at least your biggest enemy will be out of your life!

Silence of the soul

The most horrible experience for any child has to be sexual abuse and violence. The abuser could be someone at home or a stranger, but the hollow feeling that the ordeal creates in the child’s mind and soul is unbearable and unforgivable.

Child abuse has been on top of the discussion charts recently, but how far is the society willing to go to ensure each child’s right to innocence and sexual non-violence is questionable.

I am sure that if someone broke into your house and robbed you of your belongings there will be no stone unturned to capture the culprits and hopefully retrieve your precious jewels, money, electronics, etc. Agreed that one cannot retrieve what a child abuse victim has lost but, how is the child any lesser than gold, money or electronics?

I can bet my last penny on the fact that if you identify a family member who has the habit of stealing he/she will not be entertained for family gatherings or even if they are, the individual will be closely monitored by other relatives. How then is it defaming to not allow a family member identified as a child abuser from entering the house or being close to a child or children? Again, is the child any less than all the other tangible goods under the roof?

A child who has been violated is not an embarrassment. It is a serious concern and no responsible adult should tolerate such acts no matter who the perpetrator might be. It is defaming when the family refuses to step up and fight for the child.

If the abuser is a relative, the family causes more emotional damage to the child by entertaining that person at home and forcing the child to be well-behaved to the perpetrator whom he or she could be terrified of. Slightly older children might just be confused and can be led to think that they are in love with the abuser, which is their way of shutting away from horrifying reality.

Parents need to open up to their children and help them feel comfortable discussing issues that trouble them. If you are busy putting away money to buy the latest LED TV it will also be helpful to invest a little time in your child just to be sure that he/she is okay and just growing up fine. There is nothing worse than loosing a child to sick-headed individuals and their disgusting fantasies.

Stories of child raped by caretaker, helper, uncle, step-parent, cousin, etc. have troubled our minds for a long time. Irking stories of child abuse have been communicated in the media time and again. The point is, don’t let a child suffer and loose their soul because you are scared of what people MAY think or speak. Don’t let a child’s perpetrator get away.

If you feel that you fancy children in the wrong manner seek help. No child today is responsible for what must have happened to you in the past. If someone couldn't help you in the past, focus your energy to protect a child today. Please don’t burn a child’s soul by violating their body!

The mainstream challenge

I think it is not a bad idea to feed my thoughts, to the cipher readers who follow my blog, on the way specially abled people (including myself) are treated by mainstream.

Okay, so I walk differently and doctors say it is partial cerebral palsy. Mummy takes it a lot more seriously than she should and Dad is emotionally sensitive about this topic. Natural for any parents to be this way. There are individuals with greater challenges than myself and every time I see them I realise the energy that remains unused for the betterment of people like myself or those who scale the tougher heights of challenges.

Long long ago, when I was in school, I had those inquisitive kids who wanted to know why I walked the way I do. Some just got to be friends and accepted me the way I was. No doubts Mummy thought I had to consistently top the class (preferably school) to offset the physical 'drawback'. But what I really would have loved to do back then was to be in the basket ball team. That is right. Just because one is physically different it does not mean that you cannot enjoy or have a passion for sports, dance or any other physical activity. The doctors said I needed a lot of physical activity but except for Mum who was bent on having me trained in Bharatnatyam (true trait of the Keralite mother) I don't think I was seen as a sports prospect. No denying the fact that I can't jog or run, squat, walk for long or jump, let alone do frog jumps. But hey, except for a few kind words from the Physical Education teachers and opportunities to let me try for the sake of it I was gradually conditioned to believe that I can't do it. My question today is WHY NOT?

Why is it so difficult to mold somebody who has the aspiration or the will to do it? Why are students with challenges so often ignored or left out from the talent competitions and sports days? Why do many educators hesitate to take up the challenge of conditioning a specially abled student to be a mainstream achiever?

 

My Bhratnatyam master used to train me to be able to perform on stage and at present I have a Kathak guru who responded 'why not' when I asked her if I can learn Kathak. My Karate instructor used to push me to do push ups when others did frog jumps. I had to punch harder and faster when others practiced the kicks. I never will or can forget these few people who have nurtured in me the confidence that I have today.

I clearly remember not being able to pick up dance steps very quickly during school days and I asked our dance teacher if she could go slower or take a few extra classes in order for me to pick up. She gave me some fancy explanation about me having to concentrate harder in class. No brownie points for knowing that the teacher's favorite dancing queens got all the special attention to correct their posture, style and grace. Sorry, I was not really the prom queen material in school either.

It starts in the schools and many times the educators can make all the difference. Parents of challenged children are constantly emotional about their child's condition and it takes a lot for them to be strong about it and accept it as a part of their lives. Besides this they also need to strengthen the child to grow with their condition and face life as normally as possible. At times the individual needs to find the strength within themselves to overcome their challenged capabilities and lend emotional support to their family members. This process will be a lot simpler if the school or learning center encouraged the challenged student to think and perform normally.

A condition might not require the student to be in a special needs school and there is so much going on about awareness and mainstream acceptance of the specially abled. This is not going to be a reality till the adults who take on the roles as teachers accept these student and make them feel that they are normal. Normal students need to be trained or taught to accept challenged peers. We don't have tails and horns. We are human too!

Don't really need to be in one of the developed countries with advanced regulations to make life normal for the physically or mentally challenged. A bit of commonsense and inducing some thoughts to your action can do the trick. Agreed that communicating and working with those who are mentally or physically different can be confusing or challenging but it is not impossible.

The next time you come across a challenged student or peer think twice before saying they can't do something. At times the will is so strong that the differently abled achiever can leave the mainstream stars way behind.

This is it

So here I am finally taking a break form the corporate world, waking up late, scanning overseas universities (that my folks are never going to let me go to), available for long chats with friends, randomly screening job sites, reading again and have finally set up my blogger account. Big pat on Ancy's back! This has been a work in progress for almost 18 months now. That is right, 18 months before I set up this blogger account and start typing my random thoughts. It was almost an embarrassment to say that I do not blog in spite of being a PR and marketing professional.  I felt some people almost thought I was faking all my experience.

Anyways, now that I have entered the bloggers world, what is next? Do I just sit around and wait for the next big brain wave, type it out and get mass followers (accompanied by lots of appreciation for the intellectual trickle) or will there be some sort of an orientation day followed by snacks?

Till I figure out if there actually is an induction program for this latest feather on my 'core-skills' list guess I shall look around for some encouragement and direction in all the blogger support articles that are available online. 

All the best to all baby bloggers (including myself)!